paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
