community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
