Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
