Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
