FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
