two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
