Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
