I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
