Apparently you make a good broom.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
