just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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