He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize