tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
