i think my tv is drunk
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
