We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
