I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
