Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize