Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
