pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
