My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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