Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
