You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
