This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
