I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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