You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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