OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
