I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
