maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
