no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
