New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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