last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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