my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
