everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
