Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
