Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
