Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
