why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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