They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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