As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
