I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize