It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
