For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
