I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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