Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
this is an emotional support booty call
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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