I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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