Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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