Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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