"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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