break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
