I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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