Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
