Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
