FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
