The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
