Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I will be naked everywhere
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
