people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
