i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
