I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
