he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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