in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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