flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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