So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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