How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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