i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
