You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ttyl tear gas
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
