Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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