Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
