yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
