Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
