"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
