hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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