remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
