Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
