It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
