It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
People in love make me want to vomit
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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