it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
