I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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