I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
