I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
vagina is talking i cant
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
