What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
