why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
