I CAN MOONWALK!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
